Being "different"

One thing about being a large family, especially a large multi-cultural family, is that we get a LOT of looks. Every single time we are all at the store with all the kids (or even just a handful of them) we get both looks and comments.  They really don't bother me too much.  I probably would do the same thing if I saw a big herd of children.  Especially at Costco, where we have two kids in the cart, one standing on the end, and three more either following behind or flanking me.  We are a walking circus, I get it.

After having a child with a very obvious difference for 3 years, and now another child with a limb difference, I am still sometimes at a loss of how to react to some comments that we get.  Usually people are very nice and just curious.  Kids very often come up me and ask whether Jayden has arms.  Most of the time, I just answer "no".  And that is usually followed by "Why?" and I simply say that he was born that way.  Many times the child continues on their way, or goes and tells their parents about it.  No problem, I think curiosity is a good thing and I would rather them ask than just point and whisper.  It is kind of fun to see children's wheels turning in their head as they grasp that Jayden and Jacob actually don't have hands.  It is often quite mind blowing for them.

But sometimes, it just gets too intrusive.  Like today, we were at a park fishing.  A 5 year old girl came up to Jacob and I and asked if he had hands.  We went through the simple dance of explaining that he doesn't have hands, he was born that way, and he uses his toes to do things.  Then she noticed Jayden, and went through the whole thing again.  After that, she just would not let up.  She asked if she could see their arms, and I told her that it is private and no, we wouldn't lift up his shirt to show her.  I tried explaining it like she wasn't supposed to show us her private parts.  It's not that I am against anyone seeing their arms.  When we are at the pool, they go without their shirts and everyone sees their arms.  I just think that it should be their choice if they want to show them their arms or not, and so far they pretty much freeze when people ask questions.  But she kept trying to look up Jacob's sleeve.  When she finally got a glimpse of one of his arms, she said it was so weird.  By this time, I was done.  I scooped the boys up, put them in a double stroller and took them for a walk.

This is something we encounter on a regular basis, and I know it is just something that will happen and we need to get used to it.  I just pray that I am handling it well, and that Jayden and Jacob will be happy with how I handle it.  I know that they will take cues from David and I in how to handle comments and looks.  It is the comments like "that's weird" or "that's gross" or "that's so sad" that really get to me.  I'm open for advice on how to handle comments like that.  And do you think I should show kids their arms when they ask?  Or should I ask Jayden or Jacob if they want to show their arms?  I just don't know what is the right answer.  I don't want them to feel embarrassed about how they were made.